One thing that has always stayed with my brother is that he was always judged against me. He was never good enough for my father because he was always being compared to how well I did. If I was on the honor roll and my brother received a B in any class, then he was punished. If I never acted up in school and my brother got into a fight, then he was punished. I heard the words “well your sister is good, why aren’t you” so many times that it seemed normal for families to interact this way.
But as I’m reading The Rules of Parenting by Richard Templar, there is a chapter that sticks out in my mind. Rule 56 in this book says to never compare your children with each other. It says that by doing that, your children are never going to have a good relationship. As I reflect on my past, I wonder if this is actually true. My brother and I have a good relationship…. Sort of. We fight, we laugh, and we get along just fine—we’re siblings. This is the same as when we were growing up. However, did what my father say effect our relationship as siblings? I don’t think so, but it did affect my brother.
My brother says that he hated being compared to me, but only because he wasn’t me. I never treated my life as a competition and neither did he. If my father judged him too harshly, my brother rebelled even more. So it may not have caused an issue between the bond of brother and sister, but it did have a serious consequence towards my father and brother’s relationship.
As a result, I know from experience that I should never compare my two kids. I don’t think I ever would have, but this book has just reaffirmed my decision against comparison. As unique as we all are, I don’t think anyone can really be compared to anyone else.
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