Sometimes I just need a break. And it has taken a parenting advice book to tell me it’s okay to feel that way. Rule 7 in Richard Templar's The Rules to Parenting book states that “it’s normal to want to escape”. I completely agree with this rule because half the time I want to run away myself. Those who don't have kids are shocked to hear this statement from a parent. They think “hey, you had the kids, didn’t you think about this before all that happened?” I know because I used to think the same thing. And then something small changed my mind—a screaming child.
This little innocent, precious, beautiful girl I held in my hands turned into the girl from The Exorcist right in front of me. Smelly things spewed from her mouth (not to mention what happened in her diaper!) and her cute little cooing sounds turned into a high pitched, piercing sound that compared to nails on a chalkboard. There is nothing appealing about cleaning up this mess either. Get Me Out Of Here! exploded in my mind.
Taking a little break at this point helps to keep you sane. Five minutes later, after a cigarette (yes, I smoked—horrible me) and more than a few deep breaths, I felt much more capable of dealing with the situation. Few non-parents realize that how you deal with one of those moments makes you a good parent or a bad one. A bad parent doesn't know when to walk away. How you deal with the monster your little angel becomes really shows you what you’re made of. Sometimes you need to walk away in order to be able to come back.
A full vacation would be the most wonderful escape imaginable to me right now. I haven’t been away from my children for more than a night since they were born. It’s normal to want to get away; to have an adult conversation, sleep in, and basically worry about yourself once in awhile. Templar was awesome to put this chapter in his book. It let me know that I’m not the only one that feels this way, and that it’s okay. Truth of the matter is that once I’m away from my kids for only a few hours on this imaginary vacation I would be taking, I would be calling my mother and cousin asking them how my kids are doing and to let me talk to them again.
I am a non-parent, but I would agree that it is important to find some "me-time" amidst the diapers and bottles. I can relate because, though I don't have a child, I have a full time job and am a full time student, so that commands my attention pretty much all the time. It is really hard to find some time to do what you want to do, but you have to find it. Block yourself off in your room if you have to. Be ruthless :).
ReplyDeleteI think this post is great! You truly nailed your point in the beginning of the post when you talked about how usually you must have had kids in order to understand the feeling of wanting to "run away." Many people without kids seem to be harshly critical of any parents feeling this way about raising their children. I think that people without parenting experience often do not understand the level of energy it takes to raise a child or children. I think that most of the time, people do not fully realize what they are getting into when they decide to have a child or when a girl finds out she is pregnant. Overall, great post! How comforting and refreshing it is to hear someone tell you that it is OKAY to want to run away!
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