It’s hard to remember back to the times before I had kids, even if it wasn’t that long ago. Four years ago I was a carefree young adult without any responsibilities--It was wonderful! I was able to sleep until noon, go out at night and not be tired around midnight, and only had to worry about feeding myself.
And when I was not a parent, I had some pretty strict ideas on what parents should and should not do. I wanted my children to listen to me, to excel at school, and to be the kind of people you hear about from others that seem to have everything together. I knew I wouldn’t allow the temper tantrums in public and I would never allow my child to tell me what they were going to do.
Since I have become a parent, I’ve loosened my principles slightly. I am not so strict in controlling every aspect of my children’s lives. I still want them to make the right choices; however, now I give them more options and let them choose for themselves. (The trick to this is to only give them choices between two different options that I would approve of either way. This gives them the illusion of being independent while still doing something I want them to do. Mommy 1- Kids 0) I still don’t allow temper tantrums, and if they choose a public arena to have one then I have no problem with leaving right then and there and dealing with the issue at home. And of course I want them to do well in school; what good parent wouldn’t want this for their child? But as a parent, I know that I have a major role in their performance and need to take the initiative to guide them in the right direction.
So not much has changed since I had kids. That may reflect badly on me, but it’s not always the big issues you think about when you become a parent. It’s the little moments that make you soften your attitude. My daughter caught me raising my voice at someone the other day, and told me that “mommy, you can’t talk to people that way”. I guess she does listen to what I tell her after all. Maybe I should follow my own advice to her.
I agree with you. You need to do what you think is right for your kids and everyone may not agree. It is also important to teach your child respect from the beginning. Giving them choices is a great way to allow them to "feel" in charge but also staying in control. Right now my 10 year old keeps telling me I am too protective because I don't allow him to do things his friends can. My answer to him is YES I am but he is also safer because of it. I love this blog! Best wishes and I look forward to seeing your what works.
ReplyDeleteAngela V.